"Praises on tombs are trivles vainly spent,
A man's good name is his best monument." (Kippax, p. 35)

These words of Pope seem very ironic considering Pope wrote many epitaphs himself, but often seem true when studying the innumerable rhymes of the centures. Started over 2500 years ago, the original reason for writing them has always been the most popular. That is simply to tell something about the mysterious person the reader of the tombstone knows nothing about. However, over time, the drudgery of writing something about a newly deceased person has led writers of epitaphs to play more and more with the inscription. Because a person's epitaph is usually the only recorded information left to be known, many people have taken to writing their own. This has led to letting the deceased get the last word. A wonderful example of this is the succinct

I told you I was sick.

Surprising as it may seem, even the field of advertising has been touched by epitaphs.

   Here lies Jane Smith,
Wife of Thomas Smith, Marble Cutter
This monmument was erected by her
husband as a tribute to her memory
and a specimen of his work.
   Monuments of this same style are
   two hundred and fifty dollars. (Eaton, p. 78)

Rhymes

Here lies the body of W. W.,
Who never more will trouble you, trouble you. (Loaring, p. 188)

In writing an epitaph it is usually easy to find a nice word to rhyme with the last name. Sometimes, however, an odd name can pose a difficult problem. In the case below this difficulty arises, but is solved and the inscription still says something about the man.

Here lies John Auricular,
Who in the ways of the Lord walked perpendicular. (Eaton, p. 15)

Although in the next case the writer cheats and gives up, the cleverness has to exuse the unorthodoxy.

Here lies John Bunn,
Who was killed by a gun.
His name wasn't Bunn, but his real name was Wood,
But Wood wouldn't rhyme with gun, so I thought Bunn should. (Howe, p. 136)

Puns

Here lies Matthew Mudd,
Death did him no hurt;
When alive he was mud,
Now he's nothing but dirt. (Eaton, p. 63)

Another of this variety is a rhyme that uses the repitition of the pun for its effectiveness. This one is John Knott's epitaph.

Here lies a man that was Knott born,
His father was Knott before him,
He lived Knott, and did Knott die,
Yet underneath this stone doth lie. (Eaton, p. 22)

Also into this category falls one that plays with the initials of a dead lady:

E.S.T., sed non est! (Howe, p. 1)

One epitaph that is certainly unique is on the tomb of John Warner. The last name gives the opportunity of playing with the various endings of a verb.

I Warner once was to myself.
Now Warning am to thee
Both living, dying, dead I was,
See then thou warned be. (Pettigrew, p. 128)

Punning with a name is, however, best exemplified by the clever

Owen Moore is gone away,
Owin' more than he could pay. (Howe, p. 90)

Another way of punning with aspects of a person's life is to play with one's occupation. This variety is particularly interesting because, whereas the name-puns are usually one pun, the occupation-puns can go into incredible runs too long for a research paper! However, some excellent examples can still be found on a smaller scale.

Who many a sturdy oak had laid along,
Fell'd by Death's surer hatchet here lies Spong.
Posts oft he made, yet ne'er a place could get,
And lived by railing, though he was not wit;
Old saws he had, although no antiquarian,
And stiles corrected, yet was no grammarian. (Howe, p. 78)

Another of the same style is found on a brewer:

Poor John Scott lies buried here:
Although he was both hale and stout,
Death stretch'd him on this bitter bier.
In another world he hops about.

Not all occupation-puns are these strings; the following is very short, but the idea still gets across.

Here lies an editor. (Eaton, p. 41)

A less common but just as effective pun deals with the cause of death. The following epitaph appears on the grave of a man who was scalded.

Sacred to the memory of our 'steamed friend. (Kippax, p. 170)

A similar case is found on the tomb of a lady who literally roasted in a fire that also burned her house. She was a black servant.

Well done, thou good and faithful servant.

Satire

Here lies Ann Mann;
She lived an old Maid and she died an old Mann. (Howe, p. 101)

A good example of an occupational satire appears on the tombstone of a locksmith.

A zealous locksmith died of late,
And did arrive at heaven's gate:
He stood without, and would not knock,
Because he meant to pick the lock. (Eaton, p. 63)

These epitaphs can occasionally be short, sweet, and painful as shown in the case of the coroner who hanged himself:

He lived and died by suicide. (Kippax, p. 144)

The next case has an interesting word-switch in the second line, somewhat reminiscent of Lewis Carroll's work! This epitaph is on a dyer.

Beneath this turf a man doth lie,
Who dyed to live, and lived to die. (Loaring, p. 93)

Repitition

O Earth! O Earth! observe this well,
That earth to earth must come to dwell
Then earth in earth shall close remain,
Till earth from earth shall rise again. (Howe, p. 148)

Another work using repitition is an almost unbelievable chain of events.

On a Thursday she was born,
On a Thursday made a bride,
On a Thursday put to bed,
On a Thursday broker her leg, and
On a Thursday died. (Andrews, p. 214)

The next type of epitaph is skillfully employed by Edward Lambe. It is a fascinatin use of alliteration.

Edward	-----	Lambe
Ever	-----	Lived
Envied	-----	Laudably
Evill	-----	Lord
Endured	-----	Lett
Extremities	-----	Like
Even	-----	Life
Earnestly	-----	Learne
Expecting	-----	Ledede
Eternal	-----	Livers
Ease	-----	Lament.

(Pettigrew, p. 153)

Acrostic

J ohn Brooke of the parish of Ashe
O nly he is nowe gone.
H is days are past, his corps is lay'd
N ow under this marble stone.

B rookstrete he was the honor of
R ob'd now it is of name,
O nly because he had no sede
O r children to have the same;
K nowing that all must passe away,
E ven when God will, none can denay. (Pettigrew, p. 146)

A similar acrostic is found on Ann Short. Ann, however, also uses repitition.

A m short, O Lord, of praising thee
N othing I can do right;
N eedy and naked, poor I be,

S hort, Lord I am of sight!
H ow short I am of love and grace!
O f everything I'm short!
R enew me, then I'll follow place
T hrough good and bad report. (Beable, p. 177)

Even though many clever epitaphs have been written, the one below stands out with its unusual and skillful use of words. It appears on Ellen Reson of Suffolk. When the sound "all" is placed at the end of each line, the entire rhyme is produced. (the endings don't always spell "all.")

The charnel mounted on this w Sets to be seen in funer A matron plan domestic In housewifery a princip In care and payns continu Not slow, nor gay, nor prodig Yet neighbourly and hospit Her children seven yet living Her sixty-seventh year hence did c To rest her body natur In hope to rise spiritu

} all.

(Loaring, p. 151)

Irony

As you are in health, and spirits gay,
I was, too, the other day;
I thought myself of life as safe
As those that read my epitaph. (Howe, p. 96)

The next case is not nearly as subtle. This rhyme seems quite ruthless in its gambling on the reader's fate.

He lived one hundred and five,
Sanguine and strong;
A hundred to five,
You live not so long. (Eaton, p. 10)

Another example along these lines is a humorous husband-wife combination. First, the husband wrote his own epitaph, which was engraved as directed:

As I am now, so you must be;
Therefore, prepare to follow me.

The widow later countered with the lines

To follow you I'm not content,
Unless I know which way you went. (Howe, p. 167)

Epitaphs have certainly appeared in an extensive variety of forms. Through the past few centuries the writing of epitaphs has been taken for granted. Few took the attitude of Robert Emmet, who once said, "Let there be no inscription upon my tomb; let no man write my epitaph." (Eaton, p. 3) Recently, however, people have been avoiding them, apparently because they find them in bad taste. Perhaps Robert Burrows was ahead of his time, for he wrote these ironic lines for his tombstone:

Poems and epitaphs are but stuff:
Here lies Robert Burrows, that's enough. (Howe, p. 74)

Beable, W. H., comp. Epitaphs: Graveyard Humor & Eulogy. New York: Thomas Y. Crowell company, 1925.

Eaton, Arthur Wentworth, coll. Funny Epitaphs. Boston: The Mutual Book Company, 1902.

Howe, Walter Henry, comp. and ed. "Here Lies". New York: The New Amsterdam Book Company, 1901.

Kippax, John R. Churchyard Literature: A Choice collection of American Epitaphs. Chicago: S. C. Griggs and Company, 1877.

Loaring, Henry James, comp. Epitaphs: Quaint, Curious, and Elegant. London: William Tegg, (1873?).

Pettigrew, Thomas Joseph. Chronicles of the Tombs. London: H. G. Bohn, 1857.